Guatemala - first days - October 18,2007

I am in Guatemala, outside of Antigua in Ciudad Vieja, living in one of the most beautiful houses imaginable. It is perched in the sky surrounded by volcanoes. It was built by an incredible artist, who is living in my apartment in Cambridge.

I am having one of the most phenomenal times of my life here in Guatemala. To be here in this mysterious place totally alone, to know no one, to be free to explore and discover in my own pace and time, is such an experience. A luxury and a freedom I don't think I have ever known. I think I feel such a sense of freedom as well, because some of the things that have been hanging over my head for so long have resolved. For the first time I feel the beginning of a sense of security, that maybe the world won't come tumbling down on my head once more. That in itself is such a sense of relief, and I can feel my whole being letting go and expanding slowly beyond its accepted boundaries.

If all this sounds light and airy, sun drenched and open, it's not. The Guatemalan highlands, where I am, are shrouded in mist and mystery, literally - and the feeling is like being enveloped in a warm darkness of the soul. It feels very much like the Mayan hot chocolate, which I discovered on my second day here – it is thick and creamy with a bite to it – all the chocolate here has a dash of hot chile just enough to remind you of the fire and danger of life that lives also in that warmth.

Every morning I wake up to the mists, either clearing or closing in on the volcanoes that surround the house, my room is on the second floor, glass doors and windows on all sides, so I am living in the land and sky …yet protected, by the glass, by the exquisite and carefully thought-out house and gardens, the curving walls (topped with barbed wire and morning glories), the family of caretakers, the loving german shepherd.... And that is the whole feeling here… enveloping warmth with more than a hint of the presence of deep dangers, mysteries and dark fire of life.

This is a land of earthquakes and hurricanes, surrounded by active volcanoes –the power of nature is a living presence. And yet not overwhelming in its magnificence. You will see from my pictures of my morning walk – carefully tended and terraced fields, farmed in the ancient Mayan way, by hand, rows of beans growing up the dead cornstalks, coffee in the shade of the trees in between fields, painstakingly and lovingly cultivated. And yet suddenly the mists will clear for a moment to reveal the slope of the vast volcano looming overhead. As I pass farmers on the road, each is friendly and welcoming – and yet each warns me of the dangers that lurk beyond.

The day before yesterday I went into Antigua – about a 15 minute bus ride away (I haven't dared try to use the car yet – standard transmission in a strange land!) Antigua is the old colonial capital destroyed several times over by earthquake. Finally they moved the capital to Guatemala city, but the old city would not die! And so life goes on often right on top of the magnificent crumbling buildings of the past. Nothing is cleared away or buried, it is just built upon. After just wandering around for hours, I found myself amazed at the rooftops – again with the sweeping mountains appearing from behind the clouds, and then disappearing once more. But on the ancient rooftops all over the city, wildflowers grow. That seemed to me a perfect symbol for the way life feels here. New life growing from the old.

And that is so true of the Maya. Here is a culture, where the Maya live in continuation of their old ways of farming, dressing, worshiping, mixed right up with all the hustle and bustle of modern society. An amazing feeling of continuity…

Each time I travel, I feel that a part of myself is revealed, or born, a part that resonates with each new place. So the act of exploring and discovering a new place and culture is simultaneous with a self-discovery. Maybe that is why I love traveling so much. I never quite know what I have found till later, but just writing this is giving me an inkling...

And now – I'd better leave off all this description and get back to the experience itself. I am supposed to be working as well, but it is hard to get to. Today I am going to the market day in Antigua, and tomorrow, I think I will try to climb the big and very active volcano, Pacaya. I am SO lucky!!!!

Take a look at some of my photos - from my morning walk and my first trip into Antigua.